Shades of Yellow
by Trinity23Rose
Summary: Caitlin Snow has already been through more during her almost thirty years on this earth than most people and yet, here it goes again, the man she's just given her heart to turns out to be the Reverse Flash…
1. Chapter 1

**Description:** Caitlin Snow has already been through more during her almost thirty years on this earth than most people and yet, here it goes again, the man she's just given her heart to turns out to be the Reverse Flash…

* * *

 _The night of the particle accelerator explosion_

When looking in the mirror one last time to check whether she was presentable enough, Caitlin Snow decided that in the end she would never truly understand her boss.

Yes, dr. Harrison Wells was a big enigma to her and one that she might never truly get to the bottom of. Especially now, she thought when biting on her lower lip and fixing her dress. The particle accelerator would soon be turned on and that would be it. Snow would still work in the Labs and for dr. Wells, but in the same time she figured their paths wouldn't be crossing so often anymore.

She heard the door opening and easily guessed it was Ronnie, the only person who usually got in without knocking.

"I'm almost ready," she threw his side, turning away from the mirror and reaching to her bag, checking if she had everything there.

She remembered how she'd started working in S.T.A.R. Labs, recruited by dr. Wells straight from college, still being inexperienced and a little bit shy but feeling so proud he'd noticed her. He was her hero. Her mentor. Her everything once. Yes, she'd even developed a small crush back there that only grown worse when they'd started working closely together on the accelerator. Only when the team was fully assembled and Ronnie with Cisco joined, dr. Wells started to keep his distance. She could never quite figure out why. He seemed to stay away from them all in fact, being there in body, but his mind was somewhere far, far away. If she didn't know any better, she would say he was missing something, wanted it back. And maybe that was exactly right, she actually realized when thinking of Tess Morgan, the love of his life that had died in a car accident many years ago. Still, the fact didn't make it easier for Cait to actually understand her boss and some kind of an inner fifth sense told her that it wasn't really the case. That whatever Harrison missed it wasn't the woman he'd lost.

Anyway, Ronnie quickly won all of her attention and before she knew it, they were dating. And she was happy about that. She needed a stable and a nice guy and what more, one that wasn't her senior in years and who wasn't exactly her boss. This relationship with Ronnie was easy, reliable and she was lucky to have him.

"Ok, I know," she then said, reminding herself about the guy's presence in the room. "I know, I'm probably late. We can…" She turned around and the rest of the words died out in her throat because Ronnie wasn't standing there. In fact, he was kneeling right in front of her, holding a small velvet box in his hand with a ring in it.

Caitlin truly didn't know what to say.

Though there was only one way this could go, wasn't there? She had to say yes and leave her old life behind, start a new one by the side of the man who was perfect for her in every way.

* * *

Dr. Wells was just making a small speech to his closest coworkers before turning on the particle accelerator, but Caitlin couldn't even register his words in her brain as she kept on turning the small ring on her finger and feeling as though she was suffocating. She was engaged.

She was engaged.

But no matter how often she repeated that in her mind, it didn't make it seem real. If so, it felt surreal, as though she was playing herself in a very bad movie.

This was what she wanted, wasn't it? Ronnie was the guy of her dreams, the love of her life and marrying him would only be a natural next step.

Dr. Wells looked at her just before pushing the button and he smiled. She couldn't help it. She forgot about all her dilemmas in that very second and smiled right back at him and brightly. He always brought this side out of her and had the ability to make her happy so effortlessly that it truly seemed magical. The last time Ronnie made her happy he'd basically forced her to bungee jump. She'd been screaming the whole way down and afterwards, she actually felt invincible, finally understanding why people might like it – because of the rush of adrenaline after it was all over. Still, she would definitely not be trying this again.

What else Ronnie would still come up with? What other brilliant-NOT idea would be seeded in his head during their lives together? She started wondering.

Did she even _want_ to spend her life with him?

"I don't like the way he looks at you," Ronnie just then said and Caitlin frowned before turning to him and missing the moment dr. Wells pushed the button, initiating the accelerator.

"What?" she asked.

"Wells. He looks at you in a way…" Ronnie started and just then Caitlin finally understood what he meant.

"Don't be ridiculous," she immediately interrupted him, not letting him finish, but she couldn't help wondering whether he was right. Whether dr. Wells _did_ have a thing for her and just never said anything out of… what? Work ethics? Respect? No, that was just ridiculous. He was a warm man who never let anything slide past him. He'd lost too much to let anything else go. Ronnie must've simply been a little jealous, so he was definitely seeing things.

And then it all went to hell.

* * *

The door to a private hospital room opened and Caitlin stepped inside, closing it behind her before finally bracing herself and turning to the man lying in bed.

She was the only person that he agreed to see and it meant so much to her that she was even afraid to try and understand it.

The previous night the particle accelerator had actually blown up, killing dozens of S.T.A.R. Labs employees and harming even more. Ronnie was… Ronnie was dead. Dr. Wells was paralyzed from the waist down and what more, now he was a pariah.

All it took was one night and the Labs was completely abandoned and it wasn't even because of the explosion itself. It was because no one wanted to work for Harrison Wells anymore. In the case of one night his name instead of being associated with prestige, became a new term for disaster and ruin.

There were only two people left standing by his side now – Caitlin and her best friend, Cisco, but dr. Wells only agreed to see her alone. She'd actually come very close to not even asking for that visit, seeing that he'd turned everyone else away, though mostly it was press. The fact that he had no one now, no family, no friends when seemingly before the accident everyone had loved him was devastating to Caitlin. She actually made a promise not to leave this man's side despite risking her career or maybe jeopardizing it completely. Her common sense told her that she shouldn't just throw her three doctorates and a PhD to the trash like that, but she couldn't care less. There were more important things in this world than career; things like people, like family. Without them one was truly nothing, just a cold lonely person whose only power was at their workplace.

"Dr. Wells?" Caitlin finally asked in a broken voice, hating to see him so defeated, hating to see him lie in bed and stare with empty eyes through the window. In fact, his head was turned away from her, facing the sky seen through the glass and it was the most devastating sight she could ever witness.

"If you don't want to talk or see me, I can leave," she said then, doing her best to stop the tears. She'd cried a lot the night before. In fact, she was still wearing her little black dress that she'd had on during the event, having been crying in Cisco's arms the whole time until now. She might've not been entirely sure whether marrying Ronnie was a good idea, but once he was gone, she couldn't help but feel this terrible hole inside of her. She still wasn't sure if he was the love of her life, but she did love him and the loss seemed so brutal, so unbearable, so… sudden. She couldn't even prepare herself. Just like she couldn't prepare herself for seeing Harrison like this, this broken and this vulnerable instead of being her old warm boss who always dressed up in a suit.

When he still didn't say anything, she finally sighed and turned back to the door.

"Wait," he eventually spoke and then turned his head to meet her eyes. "Oh, Caitlin," his voice softened immediately when registering the state she was in. "Come here," he invited her without thinking this through and before he knew it, she started sobbing as she walked to his bed and then somehow found herself lying on it right with him and pressing her body into his side as he reached his arm to her and put it around her.

In all the wildest scenarios he might've been imagining, this was definitely not one of them. He'd never in his bravest dreams pictured Caitlin being this close and this vulnerable by his side. He still marveled at the fact that he was holding her after all those times he wished he could. Though the circumstances now were dire. And maybe exactly that broke the dam and allowed them both to get this close. Because he couldn't get attached, fighting it for fifteen years now and if he were to be honest, recently it'd just become harder. Everything because of this one woman, this female who could disarm him with merely a small smile. He should've known better, he thought. He shouldn't have let her inside his room today, but then again, he was too weak trying to fight this. He knew he should focus on the task at hand, on finding Allen and turning him into the Flash so he could go back home, but… He hadn't exactly foreseen himself being affected by the accelerator. Right now not only his speed was gone, but also his ability to walk. It was nothing he couldn't fix in the long run, but it was driving him crazy all the same.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Raymond," he said then when finding enough courage and actually stroking Caitlin's hair, her face now pressed into the crook of his neck.

In response, she only cried harder and he could actually feel her tears on his skin. Perfect. He was lusting over a woman who was just mourning her dead boyfriend. Another proof that he shouldn't be getting too attached.

"What about you?" she finally asked, pulling away and eventually sitting on the edge of his bed. The sudden closeness to him just now registered in her brain and she felt panic welling up inside of her, because truly, what on earth was she doing?!

"I'll be fine," he said, his voice coming out hoarse.

"Dr. Wells, you can't walk and I'm… I'm so sorry this happened to you." She sobbed again.

"I think we're past the point where you should call me dr. Wells. I'm Harrison, Caitlin," he found himself say then and despite the knowledge that he really shouldn't be doing that, he reached to her face and wiped all the tears from it that he could.

She grasped his hand and held in her own for a moment. "I'll stay," she promised him when looking into his blue eyes. "In fact, Cisco and I decided to stay with you in the Labs."

"Oh, no, Caitlin, you can't," Harrison immediately protested, squeezing her hand a little. "You have a bright future ahead of you and I can't take that away from you. I found you. I recognized your talent and I know that it shouldn't go to waste."

"I don't care," she told him, the tears finally ceasing to flow, her look stubborn, the decision already made. "I won't leave. We need each other more than ever now. Work doesn't matter. People _do_ ," she insisted and he didn't have the strength to fight her on this anymore. Yet, he would try again soon. Because her presence was truly putting his entire plan at risk. Who would think? He pondered when running his fingers over the skin of her hand. Who would think that his plan would be so engendered because of one seemingly insignificant woman? A woman who – in his timeline – was long dead and buried.

And then he felt it. That _thing_ on her finger and he truly thought Raymond was taunting him even from the grave.

"Caitlin… what?" he gasped, taking his hand away and seeing the engagement ring on her finger. "When did that happen?" he asked in shock.

"Just… before," she provided with the answer before starting to cry all over again.

Yes, she was never meant to be his, he knew that now. He would simply focus on getting himself back to his feet, on fixing his problem, on getting Allen to become the Flash so he could finally go home.

What would await him _there_ exactly? That he didn't really want to think about because then he might realize it was truly nothing worth his efforts.


	2. Chapter 2

It'd been nine months. Nine long and depressing months during which Caitlin and Cisco were standing by dr. Wells's side, not leaving the Labs and on his request monitoring the young man in a coma who'd been struck by lightning the night of the particle accelerator explosion. So far, there'd been no change, but the constant tests Snow was running on the man showed that he had the metahuman gene and besides that, his cells could move so fast that when he'd still been in a hospital, the doctor there thought he kept on having a heart attack. It was truly a good thing that dr. Wells had done, Caitlin thought now as performing her routine check, that he'd taken him out of there. She wasn't sure for how long Barry Allen would survive where the people working on him had no idea what was really going on with him. Well, Snow did, but even she and her team were groping in the dark since so far they'd only dealt with metahumans in theory, not having the resources to actually locate and catch them all, not to mention reform.

Dr. Wells… he was just another story entirely, Caitlin thought, biting on her lower lip when looking over Allen's blood tests results; a gesture she used to do a lot when she was deep in thoughts or troubled. She had no idea how she would've even survived those past nine months if it hadn't been for dr. … well, _Harrison_ as he insisted on her calling him since all those dramatic evens had brought them closer. Or maybe not _closer_ per se. The thing was that Caitlin felt both eternally grateful to have him there to help her get through the toughest time in her life and guilty for having… Well, ok, so she did have _feelings_ for the man. She'd actually had a crush on him when he'd recruited her that she quickly forgotten about, pushing it to the dark recesses of her mind – or maybe rather heart? – and after Ronnie's death all of that resurfaced, becoming twice as strong.

The thing was that Harrison never said or did anything to make her think this might be more than just one-sided. Though she couldn't help but keep coming back in her memory to all those times when Ronnie had been clearly jealous of her boss. Back then she'd only laughed at – as it seemed – ridiculous accusations, but now she wasn't so sure anymore. Ronnie was never the jealous type. He never felt threatened by any man that tried to hit on his girlfriend, yet, that always changed whenever dr. Wells was around. Maybe he simply _knew_ he should be worried about _that_.

Caitlin shook her head, feeling terribly guilty, yet, again. Because she said yes to the man. Ronnie asked her to marry him and she said yes, so she was going to marry him and here she was, nine months after his death, actually feeling as though some gravitational force had been pulling her towards Harrison ever since she'd met her boss.

Still, there was no way she was gonna make the first step. If Harrison rejected her… that would just be mortifying. Maybe they were long past that point anyway as during those last few months he'd had to adjust to a completely new life style. In the course of one night Harrison Wells became a pariah as people turned away from him, deemed him a fallen hero or maybe even villain and just like that his glorious career was over. Caitlin and Cisco could've left, they could've gone to Mercury Labs that was eagerly hiring any S.T.A.R. Labs leftovers, knowing scientists found and hired by Wells were far better than their own. Yet, those two stayed behind. Caitlin wasn't entirely sure whether her reason was simply loyalty, compassion or maybe there was something more there, something that just wouldn't let her leave Harrison's side. Especially not after she herself lost everything. Not after he not only lost his career, the thing that he'd been building his entire life, but also the ability to walk. She saw how frustrating it was for him to move now in an electric wheelchair, how demeaning asking for help at first was before he got the hang of it himself. Yet, she never saw him outside of the Labs, she was never there when he needed to get from that chair to his bed or go to the bathroom or simply grocery shopping. Of course she wasn't. She was his employee, not a life partner. Still… the fact that he was incapacitated now changed nothing for her. If so, she only cared for him more and desperately wanted him to just be happy, feeling like a failure when she couldn't make it happen.

She didn't really understand Cisco's reason for staying, but was grateful for his presence all the same. If he'd left, Harrison might've thought there was more to Caitlin's decision than just blind loyalty. Maybe in the end good old Cisco knew there would never be a place for him at Mercury Labs that he would actually feel comfortable in, his only friend being Caitlin who'd saved him from some pretty nasty remarks thrown by his new co-workers his very first day at work. He was a few years younger than she was and therefore she always treated him like a brother she never had. And he might be treating dr. Wells like a father that was actually there. Though Snow wasn't sure how she felt about _that_ in particular.

"Anything new?" she heard a voice coming from the door and she jumped, nearly dropping the vial of blood she was holding in her hand.

"Dr. Wells," she said in a startled voice, gently putting the piece of glass aside, "you scared me."

"I didn't mean to. And what did I say about calling me that?" he asked then, sighing heavily as he looked at her.

The power of his gaze was so strong that she wondered whether he always affected people with those piercing radiant eyes or was it just her. Probably the latter. God, she was so long gone that maybe she really should leave and try to pick all the pieces of her life and heart on her own. Then again, she knew there was really _no_ leaving for her. Not right now. Not at this point.

" _Harrison_ ," she corrected herself quickly, feeling her heart rate elevating and finally diverting her eyes because she couldn't stand this azure stare anymore. And he didn't even touch her, she thought, wondering how would _that_ feel and then she forced herself to stop altogether. Because visions of his lips or his body for that matter were already haunting her in her dreams. She was really screwed, wasn't she? And she was heading straight to hell all the same for having those thoughts whereas technically, she should still be the grieving… Wait, she and Ronnie hadn't exactly got married, so she couldn't really call herself a widow, could she?

"All the same," she finally answered Harrison's question. He was just opening his mouth to say something and her eyes settled there when… Cisco called out to them through the comms, needing them in the cortex.

"Guys, I swear, his heartbeat got a little irregular there," Cisco was just saying when pointing at Barry who was still in a coma.

"Caitlin, why don't you check it out? I'll be in my lab if you need me," Harrison just said and Snow actually welcomed the distraction.

She purposefully walked towards the machine Barry was hooked up to and checked the readings.

"Well, you might be right there…" she murmured, directing those words to Cisco.

"So, what's up with you two?" he suddenly asked when biting on a candy and she stilled.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you and the coma guy. Come on! Of course I mean you and dr. Wells! There's been way too much awkward tension between you two those last few months and it's only growing worse. What's up?"

"I… I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Cait, your poker face is just terrible," her younger friend decided and then he hit the computer and she actually heard that song going through the speakers.

"Seriously?" she asked him when turning away from immobile form of Barry Allen when…

He just woke up.

"Oh, my God!" Cisco screamed, startled.

* * *

Barry waking up brought an awakening to all of them, actually. It was as though so far they'd just existed, moved around the abandoned and quiet Labs like ghosts, waiting for something or maybe someone to help them even though it should be the other way around. And he did. He really did.

One moment he was just a normal guy in a coma and the next he woke up and discovered he had superpowers. What more, it was _speed_. He could move incredibly fast, also heal faster than anyone Caitlin had ever seen, still getting dizzy every time she checked his medicals. Because this just wasn't possible. This was against all the laws of physics and medicine and biology, yet, it was happening.

Just like that, they all started to actually smile, still being at awe with what Barry could do. Even dr. Wells… _Harrison_ smiled, somehow waking up from his stupor and forgetting for just a few moments that he was bound to a wheelchair whereas this young man he'd decided to help all those months ago, could move faster than anything that existed. Caitlin was actually worried there at first, thinking it might be just too much, that it would be painful for Harrison to see Barry run that fast whereas he couldn't even move the normal speed, but she quickly saw that it wasn't the case. Wells was just happy that his failure with the particle accelerator led to something _good_ this time. Snow still kept on reminding him that it wasn't just _his_ failure, that lots of people worked on it all the same, but he didn't seem to listen.

One thing was clear – Barry brought life back to the team and they finally felt like they were doing their job for a reason again and somehow that reason became far greater than just science. They were saving people, making this city a better place.

* * *

After a few very busy weeks as they were trying to establish a routine with Barry constantly running into danger to either save someone or capture the newest metahuman, Caitlin found herself being kidnapped.

Luckily for her, Cisco and Joe got to her in time while Barry faced the two criminals that wanted to expose him. All ended well with the criminals taken care of and Barry being outed to the world, yes, but as the Flash, the newest superhero of the city rather than by revealing his true identity. Iris even wrote a glorifying article about it, officially naming him and all was back to normal.

Well, all except the fact that Caitlin had only managed to keep herself busy those last few weeks because there was really too much to be done and she barely even had the time to sleep, much less to think about a certain doctor who kept haunting her dreams even when she was awake. That started all over again when she was taken, thinking she might actually die. So far she hadn't really cared about her own life, to be honest. She'd lost a good and uncomplicated guy, a complete opposite to the one she was now apparently pining after; her career was in ruins with no means of ever getting it back and becoming the glorious and successful scientist she'd dreamt of. She didn't even have much of a family, but exactly _that_ started to change. She realized she did have something and someone to live for and that was her work at S.T.A.R. Labs – even though she'd never imagined it becoming _this_ – and the team. She loved all those guys as her own family and she couldn't bear the thought of abandoning them. What more, she wanted to at least one more time look into those blue eyes of the one person she felt most for.

Now she finally had that chance, but still, as the danger was over and she knew she would live for at least a few more days – hah-hah, she thought – she once again didn't have the courage to face Harrison Wells and tell him what she felt.

Because he might reject her. Because she was usually closed off and cold and could never ever in a million years make the first step even when her life depended on it.

And just then, when she was ready to pick her stuff and finally head home, doubting she'd even fall asleep after such an eventful day; the door to her lab swung open, revealing no one else but Harrison.

"Oh, you're still here," she said just to start the conversation.

He didn't speak, instead he just drove over to her desk and stopped so close she could actually smell his cologne and she found herself liking it. It was delicate, yet manly and decisive.

"I… Honestly, I just wanted to make sure you're all right," he finally said, for some reason avoiding her eyes.

"I'm fine. Really. Cisco and Joe got to me in time."

He wanted to tell her how it was killing him that he couldn't just speed off to that place and save her. It would out him to the team way too soon and his plan would be left in shreds. He still marveled at what this one seemingly insignificant to history woman was doing to him and was so tired of fighting his feelings. All the time when she'd been gone, he'd been getting out of his mind with worry, thinking about how he would feel if he lost her and that thought was truly _unbearable,_ leaving him confused since he'd never before in his life cared for someone this way.

"But are you _all right_?" he repeated, finally raising his eyes to meet hers and she felt overly hot and uncomfortable under the power of his gaze.

"Yes, yes I am," she assured him. "Really."

He sighed and then he swept the glasses off of his face, rubbing at his eyes incessantly before saying in a ragged voice, "Never do that to me again."

"Pardon?" she asked, taken off track by his sudden nervousness. "Harrison, are you…?" Great, she thought, now she would ask him whether he was all right and they would just continue this strange dance they'd started she didn't even remember when, just going round and round in a circle.

"All this time..." he began and stopped, his hand now over his eyes before he finally took it away and faced her, glasses left forgotten on the table. "All this time you were gone I couldn't think of anything else but getting you back. It was unprofessional and it could've cost the team a grand mistake, but I just couldn't help it."

Her lips parted as she gasped, not believing her own ears what she just heard coming from him. She did notice his eyes steering down to the direction of said lips all the same before going up and meeting her eyes again.

"I couldn't bear the thought of losing you today, Caitlin," he finally whispered in confession and that was it, she thought, not able to breathe anymore. This was the end of them going in a circle. This was him breaking that cycle and actually doing something about it.

He shifted his eyes to her hand as he reached his own to cover it, the touch of his skin so innocent, yet so burning.

"I guess I just wanted to say I'm really glad you're ok," he finally added whereas she was still speechless and then their eyes met again and she saw fire igniting in his that responded to her own. "God, I'm really gonna regret this, aren't I?" he suddenly asked and before she knew it, he was leaning forward and she could feel the electricity hanging in the air, the nervous anticipation before he kissed her. First she felt his nose touching the side of hers as though he was checking how well they would fit together before he finally pressed his lips to her in a soft, yet such a powerful kiss.

She forgot her own name at that touch, only able to feel him, his breath on her face, that intoxicating smell, the heat coming off of his body and the hand that landed on her cheek soon after, the fingers caressing her skin there gently as he kissed her.

It was only when she actually kissed him back, opening her lips and tasting him the way she'd been dreaming of all those months, that he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers briefly, his breath heavy.

And then the glasses ware taken from the table and she heard the electric hum of his chair before she finally managed to open her eyes and find him already gone.

She was incapable of any movement, shocked and in the same time exhilarated by what just happened. She wished she could've stopped him somehow, called after him but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out of it.

* * *

 **AN:** I don't know if what I suffer from right now can be called writer's block since I am perfectly capable of writing once I start a chapter. It's just a struggle. Anyway, I hope it will pass and in the meantime, I will keep on struggling. Ah;/ Tough the good news is I figured out what the next chapter will be about, so… hopefully less struggling?

I looked up the original comic book Caitlin Snow and found out that she was working for dr. Stein and was in love with him, but he rejected her, which caused her to try and commit suicide and she became Killer Frost as a result. That's terrible story of unrequited love for an older man, but still, I can't help but see that if Caitlin was already in love with an older professor in the comic book, she can be so in love with Harry now LOL


	3. Chapter 3

Caitlin was slowly driving herself crazy. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that it was Harrison who was driving her crazy. Either way, she was sick of it.

She couldn't sleep during the night just as she'd predicted earlier, going over that fantastic kiss in head, keeping it on replay, working herself up and wishing he hadn't stopped, that he hadn't left and truly not understanding the _why_ of it all. Added to that, she actually dreaded showing up at work the next morning because she didn't even know how to act around that man anymore! Would he say something? Would he simply pretend nothing happened? But how could he when _he_ was the one to kiss her!

She was late. And she was _never_ late. Now even Cisco beat her, already sprawled in his chair in front of his computer, watching her closely as she made her way in silently, a cup of coffee in her hand and dark circles visible under her eyes. She'd already done her best to hide them under make up, but they still showed a little and she hated that.

"Someone's had a rough night… or maybe was it just _that_ good?" Cisco asked the moment she sat in her chair and took a sip of the coffee, not bothering with turning her computer on.

"I wish," she just said and then nearly choked when Harrison drove into the cortex, not even deigning to look at her.

"Anything new?" he simply asked, clearly oblivious to her body's reaction as she froze, staring at him and thinking that it was just her luck. That the worst case scenario had just come true and he was simply acting like nothing happened.

Cisco shook his head, turning his attention back to Caitlin whereas dr. Wells drove away, probably heading to his office.

 _No_ , something screamed in Caitlin just then. She wouldn't just sit there, wondering what happened and why the man was acting the way he was. Maybe it was easier for him to pretend nothing was wrong, but it was! In fact, something had been very wrong for a very long time now and Caitlin didn't seem to care anymore that bringing it up could put their whole friendship in jeopardy. It was already ruined anyway, something irretrievably broken. She might as well find out the whole truth, no matter how much it would hurt.

With that in mind, she raised from her seat, leaving her coffee behind and she followed dr. Wells before she would chicken out and change her mind.

"Hey! Where are you going?!" Cisco called after her.

"Be right back," she just threw his way, passing by Barry on her way out, feeling relieved that after all, she wasn't the last one to show up for work. She'd rather not think about the fact that this was a job outside of Barry's actual daytime job…

She walked straight into Harrison's office and closed the door behind her before finally taking a deep breath and turning to face him.

"Good morning, Caitlin," he said when watching her from behind his desk. "Was there something you wanted?"

That one sentence set her nerves on fire and it did not miss his attention as her eyes widened and nostrils started to flare. He could tell her moods by now so he braced himself for what was to come. Pity she was making it so hard on him, because frankly, he couldn't sleep during the night either, finally choosing to put on his Reverse Flash suit and taunt Barry. He was pretty sure the boy was already there in the Labs, ready to call on to them to share his story. It was also a good thing that Harrison could turn off the alarm in both his office and the adjacent hallway so he and Caitlin had a few more minutes before both Allen and Ramon would start looking for them, feeling rather impatient.

Or maybe that wasn't such a good idea at all, he thought then. Because being with this woman alone just made it that much harder to follow through with his plan. And he had to. There was no going back after _everything_ he'd already done to get to this place. He would also never expect Caitlin to find out the truth and actually forgive him.

"Are you kidding me right now?!" she finally erupted. "You're just gonna act like nothing happened? Why? Why did you…?" the word _kiss_ somehow didn't want to go through her throat, but she knew he understood her all the same. She also hated that he was so composed and calm whereas she was losing it. "Just please, tell me why do all of that just to pretend that nothing happened? If it was a mistake, then just say it so we could go back to being friends, Harrison," she added in a resigned tone, biting on her lip, which basically indicated that she was troubled. And he hated that sight because he wanted nothing more than to speed over to her and kiss her senseless. Maybe it was a good thing that he was depleted of all his speed after the night he'd pulled and had to recharge.

"Caitlin," he said her name then and stopped, sighing heavily when taking off his glasses and rubbing on his forehead with his hand. "It's… Oh, damn it!" he suddenly cursed. "It's quite a pickle we found ourselves in."

"Harrison, please… I just… I'm just trying to understand here. We've been friends and coworkers for such a long time and there's no denying we've been… _close_ ," she finally got that out, "so I just don't get why you would make that step just to run away in the end."

"I am _not_ running away, my dear Caitlin," he suddenly denied, his voice growing harsh and urgent when he put the glasses back on and looked her in the eye bravely as though trying to make a point. "I'm simply making a statement that you deserve so much better than this old and broken man that I am. Maybe back when I was still able to walk…" he sighed again.

"Don't give me this crap!" She fought harder to his astonishment, not letting him off the hook so easily. "You kept your distance from me back then, too!" She folded her arms over her chest, shifting from one foot to the other, waiting for him to explain.

"You had Ronnie," the obvious answer came.

"Oh, really? Because that would stop _you_ , Harrison Wells, from taking what you wanted?" she snorted. "You are a good man, dr. Wells," she then followed with, "but I've seen you around your employees. You were merciless when they deserved it and you _never_ hesitated to take what you wanted. How many times did we have problems with dr. McGee because you needed to be first in everything, because you were actually trying to poach her scientists?"

Honestly, right now Harrison wasn't even sure that she heard herself because what she just said had no sense. It was the biggest oxymoron ever, but then as he thought of it some more, he realized it was actually true as he'd been nothing but kind and good to her and Cisco whereas other people experienced his wrath from time to time.

"Harrison, in the end I would simply choose whom I wanted to be with. It's that simple," Caitlin told him. "And you refused to give me that choice. Just answer this question for me, please, and I'll leave you alone… Who am I to you, Harrison?"

Her eyes were boring into his and all he wanted to say was…

"You're _everything_."

No, he did not just say that aloud! He started panicking, but it was too late. It was the eyes. It had to be. He just couldn't hide this any longer from her because of the way she was looking at him and… He might've just put his entire plan to jeopardy, realizing in this very moment that he needed to do something about it. He just couldn't stay locked in this room with her anymore.

While she was just standing there, gaping at him, her eyes widely opened, completely taken by surprise; he wanted to turn the alarm back on, but in the end he didn't even have to because the door suddenly burst open, showing Cisco.

"Guys, seriously, what have you been doing?! Didn't you hear us calling?!"

"What's… what's wrong?" Caitlin asked after blinking a few times and turning to her friend.

"You're not gonna believe this!"

* * *

During the next few hours they couldn't even find the time to talk, too busy with handling what happened. Caitlin was still shocked with the sudden reveal coming from her boss and now she had to add the appearance of the Reverse Flash to that equation. Needless to say, it made for an interesting day.

Now they were actually planning a trap for Barry's nemesis, having found out the speedster tried to steal a device from Mercury Labs. With a little bit of luck, they could lure him into S.T.A.R. Labs and take care of him once and for all. Maybe once they had him, they would be able to prove Henry Allen's innocence and get him out of prison. But first things first, Caitlin decided, stifling a yawn. It'd already been a long day and she had to brace herself for staying in during the night as well, now hating the fact that she hadn't been able to actually sleep when she'd had the chance. Damn it! And where was dr. Wells? She looked around, finding him gone and then cursing loudly when locating him on her computer screen as she was watching the feed from the camera. The Reverse Flash was there all right and they were successful in trapping him when… when Harrison showed up and before Caitlin knew it, he was pulled in there by the monster, being brutally attacked.

"No!" she screamed when getting to her feet, watching what was happening in horror and praying that he would survive this. Because she was _so not_ going to lose one more person in this building, much less the man she actually had feelings for!

By the time she reached the lab in which they trapped the Reverse Flash, he was gone, leaving Harrison just lying on the floor, bleeding profusely. At this moment Caitlin truly didn't care whether they would catch the monstrosity or whether she could even consider herself safe. All she cared about was helping the man on the floor.

She got to him in no time that, yet, felt like a whole eternity and she placed her shaky hand to his throat, breathing out in relief. There was a pulse.

Next thing she knew, he groaned in pain as he turned to his back, his eyes registering her hovering above him.

"That did not go well," he just said and she nearly laughed in her relief, knowing that if he managed to find some humor in this situation, it meant that his injures weren't as extensive as she initially thought.

* * *

With Barry's help, they got Harrison into a lab bed so Caitlin could treat him properly. He was trying to protest, saying he was fine, but she was having none of it. She at least had to sew the cut above his eye. Though, as she was examining him, trying not to react to the way his arms were flexing when she touched a sore spot on his skin, she did mention he should go to a hospital. She could only hope her voice didn't sound as breathless as she suspected it did because of the close proximity to him and to his skin. It made it difficult to focus and all she could think about was kissing the pain away instead of actually _treating_ his injuries as a doctor should.

"Why?" he asked idly, still holding onto his arm with the other hand, which only made his muscles seem bigger. She shouldn't expect anything less, really as people who suffered from paralysis usually gained muscles from simply having to heave themselves up on every other occasion, but the reason did not seem to matter here at all. "The best doctor I know is right here in this room," he then said before adding, "You're not so bad yourself."

She just had to look into those azure eyes of his with a smile, forgetting what she was mad about and just being happy that he was there and would be ok.

"All right. I've finished. I'm gonna go check on Barry now. He seemed pretty banged up."

She left the room before she would change her mind. It wouldn't do her any good to start any conversation with Harrison now or maybe move further than that and actually _do_ something. Anyone could walk in any moment and Barry did need her help as well.

* * *

By the time everyone was patched up and Caitlin couldn't even feel herself being so tired because of all the adrenaline still cursing through her veins, she noticed Harrison gone.

"Where's dr. Wells?" she asked when just standing in the entrance to the cortex, confused to why he wasn't there.

"Oh, he went home. He was exhausted after today, poor guy and it's no wonder, really," Cisco provided her with the information. "Actually, I'm gonna head home, too. It's been quite a day, hah?" He got up, stretched and headed to the exit. "Cait, don't worry. We'll get him someday," he then added when seeing her morose expression and reading it all wrong. Because despite the knowledge that she really should worry about the Reverse Flash making an appearance again, she was actually feeling disappointed that Harrison already left. Was he _that_ proud, so he refused to let her in? She'd been in on this from the beginning anyway, so she couldn't understand why he would feel like he was diminished by his permanent injury.

"Yeah, I'm sure of it," Cait just agreed with Cisco in the end and they both headed to the exit. Only when he drove home, she didn't. She actually made a turn and ended up in the suburbs where she knew was the house of Harrison Wells.

* * *

It took him a while before he got to the door, which was no wonder, truly as he was both still sore after what happened and on a wheelchair. And she didn't care. She just wanted to make it clear that she didn't care what condition he was in. She only cared for _him_ as a person, as a _man_.

He seemed surprised when he saw her standing in his door and she didn't waste any time, just letting herself in and forcing him to close the door after her and turn to her.

"I have a say in this, too, you know," she started bravely. Though it wasn't as she was risking anything. He'd already made it clear what she was to him, so it was up to her to tell him what she felt and take the next step in this since he refused to. Chivalrous ass, she thought. "And I choose _this_ , Harrison," she continued, watching his pupils widen. "I choose this and you have no right to push me away if we both feel the same way!"

He was just opening his mouth, ready to say something to that, maybe even protest again, but she didn't give him the chance. She wasn't even sure what prompted her action. Maybe it was the lack of sleep she was suffering from, maybe the frustration altogether with the desire she'd been feeling for him for quite some time now, but she didn't care. She ended up in his lap, her arms going around his neck as she pressed her lips to his mouth and find him kissing her back.

She took him completely by surprise and he couldn't fight this anymore. In fact, he was powerless to stop her, suddenly grateful that because of his ordeal the night before and the one he pulled today his legs were pretty much useless. Otherwise she would definitely feel them move.

He kissed her back with fervor, not sparing her, teeth scraping, tongue soothing, mouth sucking. And it was fantastic. It was more than that, actually. It was _everything_.

And then she tore her lips away from him and stood up. He was just about to protest when she pulled her blouse over her head, standing in front of him in her black lacy bra.

That sight both drove him crazy and cleared his head.

"Caitlin, I don't think this is a good…" he started then, trying to fight, though he already knew he would lose. He had a mission. He had to get back home. Yet, she kept on making him want to stay a little bit longer just so he could be with her.

"Oh, don't pull this crap," she dismissed his words immediately. "I'm familiar with your medical charts and I know you're more than capable of having an erection despite not being able to move your legs."

Leave it to her to put it so blatantly, he thought, just staring at her in shock.

"Unless…" she hesitated. "Unless what you said before didn't really…"

"Oh, it did," he gave up, finally accepting his own damnation. "You actually had me at the kiss. God, have mercy on me," he added and then saw her smiling to him brightly before she got rid of her skirt as well and straddled him, now only in her lacy underwear.

"He better," she said before kissing him again, moving over him and he was already too far gone, feeling his pants getting too tight.

If only she knew what he really meant by _that_ , he thought, now sucking on the pulse in her neck, his hands wandering down her back and undoing the clasp of her bra.

If only she knew she made him question everything and he actually did wish for forgiveness.

She pulled on his sweater, so he obediently raised his hands so she could take it off, running her fingers down his chest before pulling the zipper of his pants down.

If only she knew how awful a thought it was that once she found out who he truly was, she would hate him. He didn't want to hurt her, yet that seemed unavoidable.

He cupped her breasts before bringing his lips to each and sucking gently on her nipples, causing her to moan and wriggle on his laps.

He truly didn't want to let down the trust that she'd handed him over so eagerly the day they'd met. He didn't want to see the look of betrayal and hurt on her face.

She had him in her hands now, hard and ready and when he quite literally ripped the pretty panties at the seam, tired with waiting, she finally raised up and sunk down on him, earning a groan full of pleasure from the depths of his throat. She then started moving over him, being this beautiful goddess he knew he would never deserve, yet he had her now.

And he would make a good use of it. Everything else be damned.

He would deal with the rest later. Now he was finally ready to just give up, give in, be actually _happy_ for the first time in fifteen years.

Tonight he would give her everything he had… or wished he could, he corrected his thoughts, surrendering himself to her ministrations. Because to give her everything that was in his power, he would actually have to reveal his true identity to her and that was out of the question.


	4. Chapter 4

The particle accelerator exploded right before Christmas, so Caitlin dreaded the next year's winter holiday. She was so sure she'd be miserable, depressed, living in her past, in her memories while not being able to make any new ones.

Who knew that she could've been so, so wrong!

Because it was that time of the year again and she was actually happy. Not so long ago she'd woken up in Harrison's bed, spooned by him and she quickly discovered she'd never been happier in her entire life. It turned out that despite going through the darkest period of your life, despite losing hope altogether, despite all the let downs and pain, you could still be surprised by life and positively so.

She hugged the arm, that was put around her, to her chest and sighed in pleasure, just enjoying this lazy morning. She knew that he wasn't asleep either by the way his fingers were brushing over her naked skin. None of them felt like getting up, they just wanted to stay in this happy little bubble indefinitely or at least as long as possible. She kind of wondered whether he had the same thoughts, marveling at what a drastic turn life could make sometimes and one actually towards something amazing. In fact, when Caitlin opened her eyes this morning, she had so much trouble believing she was this happy and this satisfied with what had happened the night before that she felt the sudden need to prove that it, indeed, wasn't a dream. She quickly retraced all her steps leading to this moment and she released a breath of relief. If she could remember exactly what she'd been doing before this happened, if she could remember her past clearly and it all made sense – then she was most definitely not dreaming.

She smiled at the memories of the night rushing back to her mind, of the crazy sex she'd had with Harrison in his chair. She still blushed when she thought of it, wondering now what the hell she'd been thinking anyway. It wasn't as though she regretted it, oh no, but it seemed so out of character for her! She wasn't a person who just threw herself at men like that! Then again, over a year of tension between her and said man could do that. They next moved to his master bedroom where she straddled him again in his bed, this time actually going slower, kissing him when rocking gently over him, making love to him. And it was amazing all the same. She was truly at awe of what Harrison made her feel.

"Why didn't you make a move on me?" she suddenly asked and then felt him tense up.

"I thought you deserved better, I guess," he finally answer after such a long moment that she almost lost her hope that he would explain.

"But you'd liked me even before the accident happened, hadn't you?" She refused to just let it go and he hated that because he also hated lying to her. And now lying to her was somehow so much more difficult than before. Now he actually _knew_ how amazing it was to have her and thinking that he would soon have to see his plan through quite literally made him want to stay in this bed with her forever and never let her go.

Was there any other choice anyway? If he told her the truth, she would hate him. If he didn't tell her the truth and stayed with her, being Harrison Wells for the rest of his life, he would _always_ have to lie to her. This situation was truly impossible.

"I always liked you and… I guess I always found you attractive," he eventually began again. "I guess my feelings deepened _after_ the explosion."

"Yeah," she suddenly agreed to his surprise, snuggling further into his body and feeling him hard against her backside. "I guess that's true. It was then that we truly opened up to each other and relayed on one another, didn't we?"

Why did she always have to make it so hard? He wondered, his hand moving so he could cup and massage her breast, teasing the nipple with his thumb and earning a soft moan from her lips.

He should just leave the team, but she was truly making it impossible to do so.

His other hand quickly slid in between her legs from the back and then inside her, finding her so ready for him again.

How was this even going to work? He wondered when she turned to her back and then faced him. The look that he saw in her eyes caused him to just forget all his plan all over again. Because all he wanted, all he _needed_ was to just be with this woman, everything else be damned.

This couldn't work, he told himself again when she moved over him and straddled him, her hands sliding up his chest until she cupped his face and leaned forward to kiss him.

This couldn't work because every single time he liked to have sex with her, he would have to make sure he was completely depleted of the speed force in his body so his legs wouldn't move. And every single damn time she would be the one on top. It was amazing, it truly was, but the fact that he actually _could_ move his legs and walk caused him to crave other positions, to wonder how it would be to pin her body underneath his own when using all his limbs and slowly drive her crazy. He wanted to know how amazing it would be to have her like that, from behind, with her legs hooked over his shoulders, on the side, in the shower…

He really was screwed.

Or maybe it was just his punishment for every bad thing he'd ever done and there had been plenty.

* * *

Caitlin was Christmas shopping, being in a fantastic mood. She'd thought before that this year she wouldn't be able to buy any gift, but she'd apparently been wrong, now perusing the shelves and racks in search of something amazing for every single member of her team. She was actually a little naughty, because the first thing she bought was a gift for own self, although maybe it could also be one for Harrison. She spotted a blue lacy lingerie and just had to have it, loving this color so much and as she was now walking down the aisle in a one of the biggest shops offering men's clothing, she saw _it_. The most beautiful soft blue sweater. She was sure the shade would definitely bring out the beauty of Harrison's eyes as well and she bought it for him without a second thought.

When afterwards, she was merrily making her way back to her car in the shopping centre parking lot, she thought of a way to bring her relationship with Harrison up to the team. Neither Barry nor Cisco knew anything so far as Caitlin and dr. Wells were acting very professionally at work, but they would have to come clean eventually. The question was when and how.

Maybe during the Christmas party at Joe's that they were all invited to, she wondered when biting her lip and carrying all the bags to her car.

Just when she was about to open the door, she saw some strange shadow passing by and she froze, scared that she would get kidnapped again. She still wasn't entirely over the last time and truth be told, she couldn't even sleep alone anymore. Ok, she did kind of love to spend her nights in Harrison's bed, yes, but she was also scared that once she was alone, the nightmares would start, effectively rendering her unhappy.

She quickly grabbed her pepper spray. She knew it could be of no use to a metahuman, depending on their powers, but it was better than nothing. She still couldn't convince herself to the idea of actually carrying a gun in her purse.

"Is someone there?" she asked when finally opening the car door and throwing the bags to the passenger seat.

She breathed out with relief when no one answered and she was already sitting safely in her car, starting the engine.

When she was just about to drive out of the parking lot, she had to hit the brakes hard because a lonely figure suddenly materialized right in front of her eyes.

 _Ronnie_? She thought, watching the man with her eyes widely opened. No, that couldn't be… Yet…

And then everything became clear when the man simply lit on fire and disappeared…

* * *

When everyone entered the cortex that day, Caitlin was just sitting in her chair, staring at the wall when not truly seeing it, nursing a cup of already cold coffee in her hand.

She vaguely heard Cisco and Barry arguing about something for the sake of the argument until Harrison actually asked, "Caitlin? Caitlin, what's wrong?"

She stirred, nearly spilling the coffee, so she put it down with shaky hands. She wouldn't drink it cold anyway.

"Caitlin, darling, what happened?" He was already there by her side, somehow not caring about his display of affection in front of the rest of the team. He took her hands into his and gently turned her to face him. "My God, you look like you've seen a ghost." There was obvious concern in those beautiful blue eyes of his and her heart sunk. Because in that moment she realized she loved him with all of her heart. Maybe she always had. And just because of that, there was no room for Ronnie in her heart anymore. For Ronnie who clearly wasn't even Ronnie anymore as he hadn't reacted any way to her calling his name but by running away. Or maybe _flying_ would be a more accurate word.

"It's… Ronnie," she finally explained and just then she realized she made a grand mistake because Harrison suddenly took his hands away from hers and she could already feel him distancing himself emotionally. "No, wait, it's not _that_ ," she tried to explain when he just sighed and followed with, "I am not entirely sure we should have this conversation in front of the team."

Caitlin finally realized that Barry and Cisco stopped talking already, just standing there now, watching her and Harrison with surprise evident on their faces.

"Ok, what is going on here?" Cisco asked, looking from Caitlin to dr. Wells and back.

"Nothing, apparently," Wells provided through clenched teeth.

"No, that's so not what I meant!" Caitlin protested, not even caring anymore about the presence of her friends in the cortex. She just needed to make it all clear. "I love you!" She then came to a sudden stop, horrified that she actually said it first.

Harrison sucked in a breath, for once rendered speechless. She could say the same about her friends.

"And when did that happen?" Barry eventually asked, stupefied.

"A long time ago," surprisingly, it was dr. Wells who provided him the answer, taking his glasses off and starting to clean them just to occupy his shaky hands with something. Because this changed everything. _This_ … Honestly, he'd never expected he would hear Caitlin actually declaring her love for him in front of everyone. What more, he'd never expected _anyone_ _ever_ telling him they loved him. And how could she if she didn't even know him? Not really. Or maybe she did. Maybe all the years he'd spent in this timeline, being Harrison Wells, being with his team, maybe it'd all changed him. He didn't want to admit it yet, lying to himself that he could just follow through with his initial plan and be happy.

"I just… God, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said that. Not here. Not in front of _them_ ," Caitlin apologized before she hid her face in her hands, mortified.

"So you're together? Ok, so what? Good for you!" Cisco said, wanting to comfort her. "Girl, I've seen you two making googly eyes at each other for _months_ now!"

"You have?" Barry asked in surprise. "I never did."

"Because you were too busy figuring out your powers and pining for Iris, man." Cisco patted his friend's back. "Besides, you're too slow."

"I have superspeed!"

"So not what I meant."

"What was it about Ronnie then, that you wanted to tell me?" Harrison asked, nearly rolling his eyes at the two boys in the room. Who _cared_ , truly?

"Oh, um… _that_ ," Caitlin said when pursing her lips and looking aside. "Yeah… he's alive."

"Wait, _what_?!" Cisco exclaimed, completely stupefied.

"I saw him. I was doing some Christmas shopping and he just showed up in the parking lot. I called his name, but he didn't react. It was… it was like he was a completely different person... with powers," she then added.

"What kind of powers?" Barry wanted to know whereas Harrison was just watching her face intently.

"Remember the urban legend about the Burning Man?" she hinted then.

"The one Iris was trying to investigate?" Barry made sure. "Oh."

"Exactly. I don't know if it's Ronnie or whether he's changed somehow… I just… God!" she suddenly exclaimed, hiding her face in her hands again. "If it's really him, then how am I supposed to tell him that I… that I…"

She couldn't finish this sentence, but everyone seemed to know already what she meant.

How could she tell the man whom technically she was still engaged to as he was alive, that she'd fallen for someone else and didn't want to leave that person?

"Well, yeah… that could actually be a problem," Cisco admitted whereas Harrison once again asked himself what the hell he'd done. He should've just gone along with his plan instead of romancing her and now she was in love with him and didn't want Ronnie anymore.

If someone asked him, he'd say it was the best news he'd _ever_ actually heard, but in those circumstances…

He decided to give himself some more time. If they found Ronnie and Caitlin still chose Wells in the end, he would have to tell her the truth. If she hated him and refused to see him ever again, he would simply use Barry and come back to the future. The real question, though, the one he feared the most was – what _if_ she didn't hate him? What if she decided he'd changed ? What if she decided he deserved to be given a chance?

 _What then_ …?

* * *

 **AN:** I know normally people go with pinching themselves when they try to assess whether they're dreaming, but let me tell you something! Not so long ago, about two weeks or so, I had a dream that felt so damn real I quite literally thought in that dream that it was too good to be true and I did pinch myself and I did not wake up. Needless to say, when I finally did, my entire day was already screwed because damn it, how can you just go on with your day after something like _that_?!

When I was watching The Flash 4x15 I was in danger of thinking I was dreaming again LOL Because I lost my hope for snowells and damn it, it's happening, isn't it? Only it wasn't that easy for me. Once I was done believing that coffee date was real, "Dawn" just had to pop in and I was sure this wasn't for real once again because it was as though I was watching brokenbookaddict's fic on the screen LOL I still am not over that scene!

Um… Eosnowells does seem a little OOC, doesn't it? But oh, well, I started this, so I have to finish:D


	5. Chapter 5

The next few days passed by in a haze for the team. They were putting all of their resources to finding the Burning Man, to figuring out what had exactly happened to Ronnie and why he'd acted so strange when seeing his fiancée. The answer was shocking as they'd come to a conclusion that Ronnie had somehow _merged_ with another person, professor Martin Stein. Right now his body was either occupied by Stein or they both shared one brain which could explain why Clarissa Stein, the wife, told the team she'd been seeing Ronnie everywhere recently and he'd begun actually scaring her.

Caitlin was bothered by it all and felt terribly guilty. Then again, how was she supposed to know that her fiancé somehow survived? She couldn't have possibly predicted that, could she? And atop it all, she felt guilty for falling for another man or maybe actually always loving that man and being too scared to admit that to herself. A part of her wanted Ronnie to be dead, a part of her wanted dr. Stein being the only occupant of that body, which only made her feel worse, because she was this good and honest person and she was having such terrible thoughts, being undone completely by a man. And Harrison was just another story, apparently. They hadn't been together since the day she'd told him about Ronnie and then followed with 'I love you'. In fact, he hadn't told her he loved her, too, which she found strange. She couldn't quite figure him out as he'd barely even been in the cortex recently, always disappearing to something and claiming that everything was all right every time she asked.

Well, she was done giving him time. She would simply go and find him and she would make him tell what was on his mind.

As she was approaching his office, she fastened her steps, sure she heard some strange noises coming from there, but once she politely knocked before opening the door, he was just sitting behind his desk, his glasses lying on the counter, his hands on his face.

"Harrison?" she asked quietly when leaning against the door she just now closed. "Can we talk?"

He took his hands away, meeting her eyes with his radiant blues that always had the same mesmerizing effect on her. God, she loved this man so much it hurt. No matter what happened next, this was the one thing she was sure of and it made her feel like a bad person that she was willing to do something like this to Ronnie. The truth, yet, was that she shouldn't have agreed to marrying him in the first place. It was all on her. It was her own damn fault. She always prided herself on being a good and honest person and yet that one time she did just the opposite. Maybe in the end, nothing and no one was actually black and white.

"What about?" Wells asked in answer to her question.

"Why are you avoiding me?" she just shot out straight. "Is it because… because of Ronnie or because of what I said the other day?" She didn't specify the last one, but they both knew perfectly what she meant.

In response, Harrison only sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He'd been rather nervous recently, Caitlin noticed out of the sudden, and hadn't exactly acted like himself. She wondered what that was all about, too.

"No, my dear Caitlin, it's none of the above. I just…" another sigh followed when he met her eyes again. "I can't help but think that maybe if we get Ronnie back, you'll be better off with him and I…" And he what, exactly? He wasn't going to tell her _now_ , but he still thought about it. He would simply follow through with his plan. Because was there any other way in the end?

"I already made it clear, Harrison," she repeated when making her way to him. "And I stand by what I said. I want to help him, I do. I won't give up on him, but it won't extend to anything else. I just… It's hard for me to be this… this bad person out of the sudden, but whenever I think of actually falling through with my word, of keeping the promise I made him…" She shook her head, tears appearing in her eyes before she quickly wiped them away. "I can't do it. It won't make me happy. If so, I would feel… trapped. And this is so not how I should spend my life. I should be happy. Don't I deserve to be? Don't I deserve what I really want?"

"Of course you do," he assured her right then, not able to keep his distance any longer, so he reached his hands for her and she eagerly sat in his laps, burying her face in his chest as he held her close and stroked her hair. He had to be extra careful not to respond to her closeness by moving his legs as he was freshly charged. He'd been for days now, not able to give that up. "Don't you feel trapped with me, though?" he then risked this question and she pulled away to have a clear view of his face.

"Never. You lift me up," she simply said and that was it. The last ounce of control he had on himself was gone and he was kissing her slowly, lovingly, deeply, taking his time, showing her how much he felt for her, because he couldn't tell her just yet.

Luckily – or maybe unluckily – for them, they were interrupted before she managed to get down to actually undressing him and putting him to the most difficult test of his entire life with just sitting there still. They heard Cisco's voice through the comms, informing they might just have Ronnie's location.

"Work calls, yet, again," Harrison sighed against her lips and then he kissed her one more time before allowing her to stand up and they both moved to the cortex.

* * *

As it turned out, the Burning Man could be separated into the two people that created him and Caitlin even helped to come up with a solution. Yet, when the time came for Barry to seek the metahuman out in order to apply the cure, she chose to stay behind, hiding in her lab, ridden with guilt she couldn't stop herself from feeling. She couldn't just break Harrison's heart and her own in the process to honor a promise she'd once made in the spur of the moment. Maybe in the end she would have to try and forgive herself for hurting a perfectly good man that was Ronnie. Or maybe the worst part would be actually looking into his eyes and asking _him_ for that forgiveness. Frankly, she wasn't sure she could actually do it.

* * *

"Um… so, guys, where's Caitlin?" Ronnie asked once Barry brought him to the Labs after they got professor Stein safely home to his wife. "You did say something about her coming up with the solution, so… I'd think my fiancée would actually be happy to see me, right?" the man then hinted, frowning as he saw the looks being exchanged between Barry and Cisco. "Guys, what's wrong? Is she like married to someone else already? But that can't be true. It's been barely nine months…"

"I think it would be best if you sought her out for yourself and heard it all from her," Wells finally spoke from his wheelchair. He wondered now for how long Ronnie would be feeling sorry for him. Once he heard the truth, once Caitlin told him she was in love with Harrison Wells and didn't want to marry her still fiancé anymore, that would surely change.

Or maybe it was happening already, he decided, seeing the strange and suspicious look in Raymond's eyes as they settled on his figure.

"What are you waiting for? Off you go," Wells encouraged the younger man and he finally listened, walking in Caitlin's lab's direction, yet his pace was slow as though he was doing his best to prolong that meeting. He must've already sensed something was up when Caitlin hadn't showed up with Barry to help him.

"That was smooth, dr. Wells, truly," Cisco told him then.

"Thank you," Harrison just said, ignoring the obvious sarcasm in his employee's voice and then the gesture of rolling eyes. "What would you rather have me do? Tell him that during those nine months he's been wandering around all confused, not knowing who he was, Caitlin was actually falling in love with my person?"

"Another smooth answer," Cisco commented. "Seriously, don't you like feel a little empathy for the man, dr. Wells? I get that you might feel threatened…"

" _Threatened_?" Harrison suddenly asked in a tone that didn't seem like his own. Only it was. He just never used it. Damn it, he probably made a mistake, he chastised himself immediately. The thing was that he, Eobard Thawne, was never used to being _threatened_ by anyone and anything and always came out of situation like that victorious. It would not change now, even when considering his wheelchair predicament.

Barry frowned when seeing that reaction and then watching the older man drive away. He eventually glanced at his friend.

"What's wrong?" Cisco asked, noticing his weird expression.

"It's just… something that Joe said to me earlier and I didn't believe it, but… I'm starting to wonder… Cisco, I need your help with something."

* * *

The moment she heard the gentle knocking on the door of her lab, she didn't even have to turn around to see who it was. Even if she wasn't expecting him to come and find her, no one in this building knocked anymore unless the door led to dr. Wells' office.

She didn't exactly answer him when the door opened and she heard him come in and then close it quietly behind him, his presence persistent, nagging, yet, she still couldn't seem to turn and face him. Damn it, she was such a coward, she thought, already feeling shaken up inside and starting to panic.

"Hi," he eventually said and she could hear the apprehension and nervousness in his voice as he spoke.

Just then she decided she couldn't possibly torture him anymore, nor could she do that to herself. The truth needed to come out and it needed to happen now.

She braced herself, taking a deep breath and finally facing him, seeing the very same man she remembered minus the sweet smile on his face that had used to be there every time he looked at her. Now he was confused and hurt by her weird behavior and she couldn't really blame him for that.

"Hi," was all she managed to get out at first, her hands shaking as she didn't know what to do with them. Also, she seemed to look everywhere but at him.

"So… something tells me that you're mad at me and I can't quite figure out the reason," he finally admitted, shifting from one foot to another and playing with his fingers, a gesture betraying his own nervousness. "Caitlin, I… I'm sorry I ran in there. I'm sorry I put your safety and all of the people's in the Labs first. I'm sorry I sacrificed myself and left you, but… but as you can see, I'm all right now."

"Oh, please, just don't," she suddenly said, closing her eyes shut, a pained expression on her face. "Don't apologize for being a hero who saved us all. That's not right. You should never apologize for that."

"Then what is it, Cait?" he asked, making a step forward and her breath hitched because she so did not want him closer. What she was going to have to do to him already caused her to feel terrible. "I teased the team that you must've gotten married to someone else if you found it so hard to come and say hi, but… it couldn't have been that long, right?" His voice sounded weird, so out of it as he was still so terribly confused and had no idea what to make out of this situation.

She had to finally set him free, she knew that, she had to tell him the truth. She just wished it hadn't been this hard.

"Ronnie, listen…" she started and he immediately cut in, saying, "Oh, boy, so there _is_ someone else." His hand wandered up to his head and he buried it in his hair.

"I'm sorry," was all she could say to that in the end. "I truly am."

"Who is it? Do you love him?" Questions started pouring out of Ronnie. "Do you love him _more_? Do I know him?"

"This is the hardest thing I will ever have to do, believe me," Caitlin said calmly, trying to put everything for him so it would make sense. If only she knew how wrong she was, if only she knew how much more difficult the next few days would be for her, how grave the decision _then_. "I cannot marry you, Ronnie. I'm sorry," she eventually settled for.

"Well, that much I think we've already established," he admitted with a nod, doing his best not to show how hurt he was by her words. The problem was that she knew him well enough to tell. "Who is it? It can't be Barry, can it? The guy basically rescued me, but then again, he is the Flash, so…"

"It's Harrison," she blurted out fast as though she was ripping a band aid and Ronnie's eyes opened widely.

"As a… _Wells_?" he made sure, suddenly turning around and running his hand over his mouth, hiding his true expression from her. "You know," he then said when he finally managed to compose himself, "I can't say I haven't seen _that_ coming. I was always right, wasn't I? I wasn't delusional or simply jealous. I always saw there was something between you two and you always denied it!" he raised his voice and by the expression on his face now she could tell that he didn't mean to and immediately felt guilty about doing it. "Cait, I'm sorry, I…" He shook his head.

"No, it's fine. I deserve it. You're right. I should have never messed up with your feelings like this, Ronnie and I am truly so, so sorry for it, but it's not like I can take it all back. I'm sorry I agreed to marry you just to take this away from you _now_ when… God, I'm a terrible person!" she cried out, placing her hands on her face.

"No," he denied just then and she had to look at him. His eyes were honest. "I would say you're just human like the rest of us. I… Sorry if I won't stick around after _this_."

"I won't blame you," she admitted quietly when moving to her desk and retrieving something from the drawer there.

"I still have a lot to figure out since my connection to professor Stein is active. I was thinking of a way to bring this up with you, but I don't think it'll be a problem _now_ ," Ronnie continued. "I'm leaving, so we could work on our powers, so we could get the hold of it and maybe do some good in this world. Like Barry does."

Caitlin nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. She never wanted a hero, she'd once told Barry and that was still true. Maybe she was selfish, but she never wanted the man she loved to be risking his life every single day. She never wanted to be the woman left behind, constantly waiting on her hero to come back to her. She never wanted to be the woman who was dreading that one day he might not.

"I hope you'll find your happiness, Ronnie," she told him sincerely when giving him back the engagement ring. "It's just not with me," she added and he simply nodded when accepting it.

"I wish you happiness, too, Cait," was the last thing he said to her before turning around and leaving. Something told her this was also the last time she would ever see him and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. One thing she was sure of – that now she felt lighter as though a terrible burden was taken from her shoulders. She was finally free, not bound by any promise. Free to start her life for real by the side of the man that she truly felt for.

* * *

Caitlin needed a few moments to herself after the farewell she'd shared with her ex now fiancé, so she took to cleaning up after herself. Coming up with the cure, with the right chemical compound to help Ronnie and professor Stein had taken a lot of her time and now her lab was a mess as she'd been working in such a hurry. Only once that was taken care of and everything was back on its right place, she finally left her spotless lab to join her team in the cortex.

She did not see Harrison there, which came as a slight disappointment. She hoped to take him to her place or go to his and just talk about their relationship seriously and where they were going. The fact that she'd bluntly told him she loved him and he still hadn't said it back bothered her a little and she wanted to know where they stood. Maybe he was just giving her the space she needed to deal with Ronnie on her own terms and without any other distractions like his confession of love for her would be, so she felt grateful if that was the case. She was just about ready to move on, free to make another step.

"What's wrong, guys?" she asked her friends as she came to a stop, realizing that their faces seemed grave. She could see Barry and Cisco there with the addition of Joe and Iris.

"Caitlin, I don't really know how to tell you this, but…" Barry started and stopped, scratching his head in a nervous gesture. "Guys, I can't," he then turned back to the rest. "We don't even have proof. It's impossible… It just… cannot be."

"What are you talking about?" she asked in confusion, not understanding any of it.

"We believe that doctor Wells is the Reverse Flash and that he killed Barry's mother," Joe informed in an emotionless voice.

Whereas Caitlin just stood there, her eyes widely opened, truly believing she heard the man wrong, Cisco called in his direction, "Dude! That was so not cool!"

"Why? She deserves to know," Joe argued, not getting the problem.

"Yes, she does, but what you don't know is that she just dumped her dead fiancé who recently turned out to be very much alive and a metahuman for dr. Wells. They're together. Like in love together," Cisco explained and West had the decency to look apologetic.

"Um… I… Caitlin, I…" he then started when she just shook her head, suddenly horrified.

"No. Guys, what are you even talking about? This is ridiculous!" Denial was her first natural response since, of course, it was all crazy! "The guy's in a wheelchair!"

"Well, the theory is that he actually needs it in order to recharge his powers," Barry informed carefully.

Caitlin couldn't seem to stop shaking her head.

"You're all crazy! Do you even realize what you're doing?! You're _ruining_ the life of the man who stood by you all this time! He was the one who took a chance on you, Cisco!" Caitlin turned to her oldest friend. "And you, Barry, you wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for him! And me… Are you going to ruin my life, too?!"

"No, Cait, it's not what we want… We just have a reason to…" Barry started then, moving towards her, but she reached her hand out.

"Don't! Just… don't! You're making me sick!" After that, she left the cortex.

"And you're just gonna let her go?" Joe asked his adoptive son. "What if she's gonna go straight to him and he'll know we're onto him?"

"No. Guys, come on!" Cisco protested then. "A little credit here! Caitlin won't just go there and accuse him of being the Reverse Flash! If we seeded doubt in her mind, then I'm sure she can come up with a much better way to approach dr. Wells. Have you all forgotten how loyal she's been to all of us? How trusting?"

"Cisco, I'm afraid I can't take that chance," Barry backed Joe up.

"Just… STOP, damn it!" Cisco raised his voice and Barry actually did listen. "It's Caitlin we're talking about here! She's the only one who can get close enough to dr. Wells to actually check out our theory without arousing his suspicions! And I am pretty sure that's exactly what she's gonna do right now! She's upset, yes, but she's not gonna just confront him about this! She'll want to reduce any pain she can cause by this revelation to a minimum!"

To Cisco's relief, Barry actually nodded in agreement.

* * *

He knew she'd come to find him tonight. He just couldn't wait for her in the Labs. He needed some time to think, to come up with his final decision, but in the end he knew there was only one way out of this. He needed to tell her the truth. It would truly be the scariest thing he'd ever had to do in his entire life, but somehow during his fifteen years in this timeline and especially during the last year by her side, he'd changed. He came here to do one thing only and ended up finding what he'd seemed to be looking for, for his entire life without even realizing it. At first he wondered whether it was the Harrison Wells's mind and body that he'd taken as their own, whether it was the influence the man had over him even after death. Or maybe he wasn't dead. Maybe they were one person now. Maybe they were one and the same. Maybe Eobard had somehow lost his true self within this body, this brain, this timeline. Only for the first time in his life he didn't care. In fact, he couldn't care less as long as he had Caitlin. She'd somehow become his whole world and he truly didn't need anything else.

The question was: could she accept him once she found out who he truly was?

He needed to know.

He'd never thought of himself as of a man with an actual conscience, but that was, yet, another thing that had changed. He couldn't stand lying to her any longer and keeping up this semblance of a life if he could have it all. Or lose it all.

One way or another, it would all end tonight.

Just as he predicted, she showed up, though later than he expected her to.

Once he opened the door for her, he saw that she was standing there pretty shaken up. Had saying goodbye to Ronnie done this to her? He wondered briefly before letting her in and closing the door.

He drove straight to his spacious living room, choosing it for his big reveal because at least there they could actually have a conversation that wouldn't stray to getting naked. It hurt that he might never actually get to touch this beautiful body of hers or kiss those lips, but he knew he had to do this now because the longer he waited, the more he risked losing her.

If he hadn't already.

This case might be just lost.

And for the first time he truly had no idea what he would do about it.

"Harrison…" she started just in the same time as he said, "Caitlin…"

They smiled at each other awkwardly before he went with, "Let me, please. There's something I need to tell you. Something I should've said a long time ago…"

"It's ok. I know I just blurted it out in front of the whole team and it must've been uncomfortable for you and… it might've been too early, but…"

"That's not what I meant," he cut in quickly before they would start on a completely different topic. Though maybe they were one and the same anyway. "The moment you told me you loved me was the happiest of my entire existence, Caitlin Snow," he suddenly confessed, for the first time just settling for telling her the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And this was, indeed, _true_.

She was rendered speechless.

"And just because of the fact that I love you, too and more than you could ever possibly imagine… Oh," he suddenly sighed, taking off his glasses and throwing them haphazardly to the couch. "Caitlin, you deserve to know the truth about me," he finally followed with and saw her eyes enlarge. There was also something else in her expression. Something that bothered him. He just couldn't tell what it was.

"What… what do you mean?" she asked in a changed voice and for a moment he suspected she might already know something. Not that he'd done anything to make her question who he was. It must've been the team. Joe West had been onto him and just now he might've jeopardized everything for Thawne, or Wells, he didn't even know who he was anymore. All he knew was that he wanted and needed this woman and that without her his world, his entire life had no sense.

"I think I should just show you," he eventually said, deciding it was now or never and he might as well get it over with.

He braced himself and raised up from his wheelchair, standing in front of her, actually towering over her and it was a nice change to be able to face her like this.

Her mouth parted open and she was left speechless.

The next was the worst because he clearly saw that she felt betrayed and it broke his heart in an instant. Maybe he should've come clean with her sooner. Maybe he should've done it in the very beginning. Maybe then she would've been by his side.

"You…" she said and then stopped, her mouth going dry, her heart beating way too fast as she made a step backwards, suddenly scared, feeling betrayed and cheated and… Her world just crumbled to pieces around her. She pushed Ronnie away, the one guy who was probably the best for her. And she couldn't love him. She walked out on her team when they were trying to make her realize the truth. She refused to believe. She came here instead. To the man she loved.

To the man who'd been lying to her and everyone else all this time.

"I love you, Caitlin Snow," he said and the honesty in his voice was the worst for her to accept. "I love you more than anything and just because of this fact I decided to tell you the truth. What you will do with it, it's up to you."

"But you…" she still couldn't get it out. "You _killed_ Barry's mother," she finally said it, though in such a silent voice that he might as well not hear her.

But he did.

The worst part was that he didn't even try to deny it. "I did," he confessed with a nod of his head.

"You… you… _How_?" She wanted to know, still moving backwards without even realizing it and it was breaking his heart. "Did you build the particle accelerator before? Is that how you got your powers? I don't… I don't understand."

"I wish I could say yes, but I told you I owed you the truth and the truth is that I'm from the future, Caitlin. My name isn't Harrison Wells. It's actually Eobard Thawne. I came back in time to kill Barry Allen, my lifelong enemy and I didn't succeed, therefore I killed his mother in revenge. I lost my powers, got stuck here. Took over the identity of Harrison Wells."

"But… but you look the same… How…?" Snow's brain was going haywire. She couldn't comprehend all this new information. Couldn't digest it. She just…

"I took over the body of Harrison Wells and no, this process is not reversible."

"So you… you _killed_ the real Harrison Wells as well?"

"I did," he confirmed again and it was as though another knife just sunk into her chest, rendering her unable to breath. "I'm sorry," he then had the audacity to apologize. "I've changed, Caitlin. And it's all because of _you_. You somehow made me _want_ to become a different person, a _better_ man. I love you."

"Don't! Don't say that! Just… just stop!" she screamed, tears flooding her eyes now, her entire body shaking. "You… God, you make me sick!" she exclaimed and then recoiled when he wanted to come closer. He stopped just in time, giving her all the space she needed even though his entire being was screaming at him to just hold her and never let her go. He knew better. He knew that with one wrong move he could lose her forever. If he didn't already.

He sighed just then, wincing at the repulsion he saw reflected on her face.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Caitlin," he assured her in a soft voice. "I couldn't. If you could just listen, please, to my version of…"

" _Your_ version?!" she interrupted him. "You're a murderer!"

"I want to change!" he finally screamed, rendering her silent for a moment as she just kept on boring her teary eyes into his blues. "It's all thanks to you! I know I can't change the past, but I want… I want you to know that I will never again…"

She just shook her head and next thing he knew she was running away. He didn't try to stop her. She needed time.

Only then he heard the front door slamming shut and he knew how foolish it was of him to actually hope.

Once a monster, always a monster, right?


	6. Chapter 6

She didn't even realize she was running until she stopped right by the door of her apartment, her breath hitched as she fumbled with her key so it would fit into the lock. Just when she swung the door open and then closed it behind herself, leaning against it, she took a deep, yet ragged breath in a feeble attempt to steady herself.

She was scared. She might've been in her own place right now, but she knew that wouldn't stop the Reverse Flash if he really wanted to get to her. Though, would he? He had numerous occasions to hurt her, to hurt _Barry_.

God, she was going to be sick… She dropped to the floor, hiding her head between her knees, desperately trying to stop the nausea.

She never wanted to fall for a hero and what? Now she fell for an actual villain?

What came after that realization shook her to the bone because she actually started laughing out loud, nearly hysterically, seeing the irony there, until she had to close her own mouth by sticking her hands to it, terrified of her own behavior. Was she already _that_ unstable? Had dr. Wells or Harrison or Eobard Thawne or Reverse Flash, whatever she should call him now, actually successfully driven her mad?

Because how could she actually _deal_ with what she found out? There was no way she could accept this. Yet, the look in those blue eyes when he'd told her he was sorry, that he wanted to change, haunted her even now.

She ended up sitting on the floor, her back against the closed door, her arms hugging her knees as she was thinking.

The truth was that more than she hated him, she hated herself. She hated herself for loving him, because she couldn't bring herself to actually loathe him. She just _couldn't_. He'd already gotten too deep into her, sinking into her heart and she couldn't just rip that away.

While she was sitting there, going over everything in her mind over and _over_ again, she knew the most logical move would be to alert the team, to tell Barry and Cisco that they were right, that Harrison Wells was a fraud, that he was the Reverse Flash, a murderer from the future, Barry's biggest nemesis.

Only she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was too emotionally invested in that man and even though she knew one day those feelings would probably be her doom, she just couldn't follow reason. She'd gotten hurt way too many times in her life and lost so much on the way. She'd lost her beloved father way too soon. She'd lost her mother because of that, too, even if the woman was technically still alive; she was just never the same after his death. Would Caitlin become like that as well once she gave Wells over to the team? Would she be this closed, detached and cold person? Would she simply grow to feel nothing just like her mother? She didn't want that for herself. It seemed like a fate worse than death itself. Like she would be dead while she still lived.

She'd lost Ronnie. Twice. The second time because she actually let him go herself. And for what? Or maybe rather _whom_? For the love of her life – Harrison Wells.

Did it matter that he was truly someone else inside? She started wondering. Then again, when she'd met the man all this time ago, he'd already been Eobard Thawne in disguise. Could he truly pretend so well and for such a long time? Could he be telling her the truth tonight?

And then it occurred to her that he actually might. Because if those were all lies, then why even try? If he didn't care for her, then why even keep her alive? She cringed at the thought that he might've killed her on the spot, but she followed that to the end and came to a conclusion that keeping her alive was completely illogical. He must've known she'd tell on him. He couldn't have known she wouldn't.

Therefore, he must be telling the truth.

Slowly, she got back to her feet and turned to the door, leaving again. She needed _more_. She needed more answers. Now that the initial shock had passed, she had to listen to what he still had to say to her before she would make any decision. She knew it wouldn't be easy as her heart would always win with her head. There was truly no other way as she was so in love already, but she had to try and push her personal feelings away, just focusing on what he would say to her. She had no reason to actually be afraid of him now. He'd had plenty of chances to off her and the whole team and he hadn't. So maybe with a little bit of luck and determination, she could maybe convince him to leave the team alone? To leave Barry alone, to stop taunting him, to just leave him be…

Maybe she was delusional, she thought when this time making her way to his house slowly, gathering up her thoughts. Maybe she was crazy, but then again, she had nothing left to lose, did she?

* * *

When the door of his estate opened, he wasn't pretending anymore. He on his feet and that was still a surprising sight for her despite already witnessing him stand up.

"You're… back," he gasped and the look in his blue eyes undid her completely. How was she ever going to follow her common sense if he looked at her like _that_? Like she was _everything_ to him. Well, maybe it was the time to finally start believing him when he said that.

"Yes, I…" she started and stopped, not sure how to go on.

"You don't have to explain," he assured her then when holding the door open for her as she came in. "I won't hurt you, Caitlin. I just want to talk."

"I know," she admitted with a nod when turning to face him when he closed the door. It was sill weird having to actually look up at him and not down. "Somehow I always knew that. It's just…" She shook her head, fighting tears as she tried to grasp it all. As she tried to place the man he was with her with the one Barry knew as the murderer of his mother and she couldn't. She just couldn't. God help her. "I gave everything up for you," she started. "I gave up my career to stay by your side. I gave up my fiancé so I could be with you. He was the perfect choice, the perfect guy. He was light and good whereas you…" her voice trailed off, but the analogy was obvious to them both. "I don't know how to handle it, Harrison… Should I even call you that?" she suddenly asked.

He made a step closer and she automatically moved backwards, not ready to have him near her just yet. He understood, though there was a pained expression on his face as he raised his hands, a gesture indicating she had nothing to worry about or be scared of.

"I am Harrison Wells. And I am Eobard Thawne. Those are just names."

"Like Reverse Flash?"

He winced. "Yeah, like that," he eventually admitted.

"You know what the worst part is?" she asked him just then. "The worst part is that I still love you, damn it! I just don't know…" She bit on her lip hard, but the tears flooded her eyes anyway and the sight killed something inside his heart. He hated to cause her pain. "I don't know how we can deal with this. What is your plan anyway?"

"It was to simply find a way back home. To come back to the future."

She nodded, the lip still between her teeth and he just wished he could touch it, soothe it with his tongue.

"What if I asked you to stay?" she suddenly asked. Or take me with you? She wondered. She didn't know which option would be better anymore. The worst part was that now she actually wanted to protect him from Barry and she started to hate her own self for that, too.

"You don't have to," he told her. "You don't have to because I already made that decision. I am staying for you."

That was just a little too much. She needed to breathe for a few moments before she would continue, so full of conflict that it was tearing her in a half.

"So, you would do what?" she eventually asked. "Would you tell me the truth if Barry and Cisco weren't already suspecting something? Or would you just forever lie to me?"

"I have been actually planning on telling you the truth for a while now, Caitlin," he answered her slowly, honestly, she could tell. "I decided that when I couldn't possibly fight my feelings for you anymore, when you couldn't seem to stay away from me as well. I…" he came to a sudden stop, sighing before he confessed in a heavy voice, "I have never had any kind of love in my life. _Ever_ ," he emphasized. "No one cared for me. Just because of that alone I saw enemies in everyone and anyone and then I came here and I did some pretty detestable things, there's no denying _that._ I even created the Flash, brought you all together so I could use you and eventually find my way back home. I also know that it doesn't erase what I did, but I don't wish for you all to die anymore. Somehow, and this is the biggest irony of them all, I found family among my enemies. Or maybe I just thought you were enemies… I just… I just want this cycle to stop, Caitlin… I…" She was shocked when she spotted tears streaming down his face. He seemed to be breaking down completely in front of her. "I'm so tired," he suddenly confessed, his knees bending underneath him as they hit the floor and she could just watch this man crumble to pieces right in front of her eyes. "I just…" he sobbed, "I want it all to stop, Cait. I want to take it all back! But I can't! Because then I wouldn't have met you and you… you're _everything_! You are my conscience! You were the one to bring me back! Or maybe you created me, because before you I never cared, I never felt, I was a shadow of a human being… and… I just… I need you! I can't take this pain anymore! Take it away, please!"

She was watching him, absolutely terrified of what was happening to him and then she finally accepted the truth. She accepted what she was going to do next. She accepted her feelings. What she was just seeing was proof that maybe she hadn't gone crazy, that maybe she'd actually seen something worthy in this man and she couldn't possibly let go. Not now. Not _ever_.

So she sunk to her knees in front of him and pulled him into her arms, closing him in her embrace, feeling his tears wetting her neck as he buried his head in the crook of it, in her hair. She held him tightly, waiting for him to calm down.

"I'm here," she whispered, stroking his hair. "I'm here. I love you. God help me, but I do."

He stilled then. The crying stopped. In fact, she heard nothing but his ragged breath, felt nothing but his chest raising and falling, first rapidly and then finally, it began slowing down.

She'd already given everything up. There was truly nothing to come back to now. Even if she left him, what would she do? Where would she go? She would have to tell Barry and Cisco the truth and she couldn't hand Harrison over to them either. The only logical move now would be to simply run away.

"So, you'd… you'd stay?" he finally asked when raising his head from the crook of her neck to meet her eyes. She cupped his face and locked her gaze with his.

"Yes."

Next thing she knew he was kissing her and boy, was it wonderful to feel his lips against hers, to feel his hands holding her. She could taste the remnants of his tears and she savored it, cherishing that he trusted her enough to show her his true self. To show her how much he'd changed. She was proud he had the courage to admit his mistakes and actually wanted to change.

He suddenly swept her into his arms and she felt a rush of air. Next thing she was aware of was being dropped on his bed in his master bedroom. She was still surprised to have discovered he could move this fast, but after all, he was a speedster and he was done hiding, immediately hovering above her, kissing her deeply again, bracing himself on his forearms as he was doing so. And she was actually looking forward to getting to know the real him better.

"What… What else can you do?" she asked against his lips and then felt something so amazing she couldn't even put a name to it. It took her a moment to realize he just vibrated his mouth against her own. "Oh, useful skill," she voiced her appreciation.

"You want to see more?"

She didn't answer, but he seemed to guess correctly.

Within a second, she was lying on his bed completely naked with an equally naked him over her.

"Oh, my…" she gasped, his hand suddenly on her breast, teasing the nipple with a vibrating finger as his lips worked on sucking her pulse. "Oh, God!" she called out when he moved downwards and she was already shaking in anticipation as he dived in between her legs, kissing his way to her core and licking her, placing a finger inside her and vibrating that as well…

She'd never come so fast in her life.

"I… I'd still have to get used to this," she decided breathlessly when he was back to kissing her mouth, a look of deep satisfaction on his face.

"We have all the time in the world," he reminded her when kissing her, letting her taste herself while fitting in between her legs and pushing inside in one swift motion, earning another whimper.

"God, this feels so good…" she told him when holding on to his arms as he began making love to her in steady, powerful strokes.

"Yes, it does…" he agreed, feeling ecstatic, feeling like he could do anything, even earn Barry Allen's forgiveness just because Caitlin believed in him, just because she believed he was worthy.

Because she risked everything for him. And he did the same for her.

* * *

It all happened too fast.

One moment they were happy. They were enjoying each other in bed, making love like there was no tomorrow. Just being together, forgetting about the whole world, losing themselves within one another. And just in that, they made a grave mistake. Caitlin knew it now.

She knew it because it was exactly how Barry caught them off guards.

They were simply preparing some breakfast in the morning. Caitlin turned to the fridge in search of some eggs, feeling famished.

The moment she turned back to Harrison, the eggs she was holding landed on the kitchen floor, breaking to pieces just like her own life.

Because the Flash was there, power dampening cuffs on Harrison's hands and then they were both gone, probably already in S.T.A.R. Labs.

And she took up running, desperately needing to get there, to talk to her friends, to make them understand…

Only when she finally arrived in the cortex, facing not only Barry and Cisco but also Joe and Iris, she knew how delusional she'd been. There was no talking them out of anything. Not when they finally had the Reverse Flash within their grasp.

She could just stand there, feeling ashamed of how Barry had caught her and Harrison. And then even worse came as Barry asked in a voice full of disbelief and resentment, "How could you?" It was as though she betrayed them all. And she'd probably done just that, hadn't she?

"He's changed," she still tried to fight.

"How delusional can you actually be, Cait?!" Barry screamed.

"I love him!"

"I don't care! It's not even Harrison Wells! You have no idea what this man truly looks like!"

"I know him _now_!" she argued, still fiercely trying even though she knew she would meet with crashing defeat. She just couldn't accept this yet. She couldn't accept her future without Harrison. "He is this man right now and he has changed! I swear he has! He could've killed me or you on numerous occasions and he didn't! He wants to be better!"

"Shut up! Oh, my God, just shut the fuck up!" Barry roared and there was a crashing silence just then as Caitlin's eyes enlarged and her mouth hung open. She'd never before seen him like this. He placed his hands on his head and turned around. "Caitlin, this man _murdered_ my mother," he finally reminded her, his normal voice now such a contrast to his tone from just a moment ago. "He put my father behind bars for life. And you say you're ready to just forgive him for all of that? How can you even say you love him?"

"Barry, I'm sorry, I truly am," she said, matching his calm tone, tears in her eyes. "But I really do believe he's changed. He's never met with any kind of kindness or love in his life before. He went down a dark path, yes, but he's different now."

"That didn't give him the right to _kill_ ," Barry still argued. "Or to lie to us. To manipulate us!"

"Barry…"

"No, Caitlin. I won't just stand here and listen to your crazy talk," he shut her down again, ignoring the tears streaming down her face and the shaking of her body. "Maybe whatever he's pulling right now, it's just another act. He wants nothing more than to destroy us all!" After that, he turned to leave.

"Barry! Please!" she still called after him whereas the rest of the people was just this silent and heavy presence in the room.

"Don't make me lock you up, too!" she heard Barry threaten her before he disappeared.

She couldn't look any of the people present in the eye. Not anymore. She just looked down when turning around and leaving the cortex as well, desperately trying to figure out what to do next.

And quite frankly, being one against four kind of left her with no ideas.


	7. Chapter 7

Caitlin didn't even know where she was going on her shaky legs until she came across some random door and pushed it open, walking inside some lab that must've been out of use. The room was empty besides a few tables strewn with some unknown to her devices. There was no chairs, nothing to sit on, but she still went over to the wall and slid along it down to the floor, hugging her knees and bursting into tears.

She hated being this helpless. She hated not being able to help Harrison… or maybe Eobard. Still, it didn't matter. They were one and the same and she'd meant it when she'd said that to the team earlier on. She couldn't be sure whether this was the same man who'd traveled here from the future or maybe taking over the body and identity of the real Harrison Wells had changed him somehow. Yet again, it didn't seem to matter. He'd changed. He'd regretted what he'd done. He wanted to do _better_ now. For her and for himself, because meeting her and falling in love with her actually made him want to be a better person.

It was horrific that the road that had let him to her was stained with blood of innocent people, but she couldn't help it and love him all the same. She knew she wouldn't if only he'd remained evil. But he wasn't like that anymore. People changed. People did bad things. Nothing was black and white…

Now, how was she supposed to explain _that_ to the team if they refused to listen? The situation was dire at best and she knew Barry wouldn't let Wells go. He would want to push him hard enough so Harrison would confess to murdering Nora Allen and then what? Then he would wind up in prison with no means to escape since he'd also be cut of the chair that loaded him with powers.

Caitlin's head started to spin as she was thinking hard, frantically trying to come up with some solution, but there seemed to be nothing she could do. She just couldn't free him without any help or superpowers and she had none of those. In fact, she was left all alone.

That was how Cisco found her.

"There you are," he said when he finally spotted her small form on the ground. "I think I've searched the whole damn building for you, Cait."

He came over and sat right by her side, mirroring her pose.

"I don't know what to do," she confessed when wiping the tears from her face. "Barry hates me… and Harrison… ah," she only sighed, burying her face in her hands and then was surprised when Cisco actually pulled her into his arms.

"You really do love him, don't you?" he simply asked and she was struck again, because she heard no judgment in his voice, only concern and sadness.

"Yes," she answered simply and truthfully when pulling away from him.

"How can you, really?" he wanted to know just then, but there was still no accusation in his tone, just plain curiosity. And that was when Caitlin understood that Cisco was actually trying to _understand_ , not judge. Her heart swelled with hope as she realized that.

"Because when I look into his eyes, all I see is vulnerability and honesty there," she spoke what she truly thought aloud, grateful that her best and oldest friend was willing to listen, "and the willingness to change. I've seen something in there for a while now and I can finally put a name to it because I know the whole truth. If he really wants to change, why wouldn't we give him that chance? Isn't that all we want? For the bad guys to change? To become good?"

Cisco only sighed in response and then, after a few more seconds of silence, he finally said, "Listen, I hear you. I really do. But… it's just so complicated with Barry and all."

"I know," she agreed when biting on her lip.

"He doesn't know dr. Wells like we do."

"I know."

"Come, let's go," Cisco suddenly said when standing up and reaching his hand to her.

"Where to?" She looked up at him in curiosity.

"Barry's gone to work. And you need to talk to dr. Wells."

* * *

Caitlin couldn't stop her tears from flowing, yet, again when Cisco allowed her into the pipeline and she could see Harrison there through the glass wall.

He looked awful, just sitting on the floor inside his cell, looking ahead of himself but not really seeing anything, just being immersed in morose thoughts, seeming defeated, a broken man whose all dreams were crashed…

"Harrison," he heard Caitlin call him and he immediately looked at her when standing up, coming as close as the glass wall let him and placing his hand on it.

"Caitlin," he said, sounding broken and apologetic. "Caitlin, I am so, so sorry," he immediately followed with when seeing her tear stricken face. She placed her hand on the glass as well, mirroring his own, choosing the illusion that they could actually touch. "I didn't think. I was so… happy," she winced when he said that, already missing them together, missing _him_ so badly, "that I forgot to pay attention. I should've run us out of there as soon as you decided to stay with me. I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who's sorry," she assured him, meeting his eyes and holding his gaze, wanting to just drown in those clear blues and never go back to the surface. "I love you, Harrison," she sobbed. "And I'm so sorry I can't help you."

He closed his eyes when taking a deep breath, this being just too much for him. Then he said, "I know I deserve this, Caitlin. I know I deserve this pain… I deserve it all." He opened his eyes, hating that despite the need and want to change, he was still causing people nothing but pain. That he was doing that to _her_ now. "The only thing that's so unfair here is you suffering," he added then.

She stroked the glass wall with her fingers, pretending it was his skin, then she responded, "Harrison, whatever happens, I want you to know that I don't regret this. I never will. I also promise to do anything in my power to help you." She risked a glance back just then and he only now realized they had an audience in the person of Cisco who was standing directly behind her but a little further away, his arms folded over his chest.

"Oh, so they only let you see me after making sure you wouldn't do anything to free me. But that's fine, really," Eobard assured her. "I understand. I'm sorry you have to pay for my mistakes as well, Caitlin, I truly am. But I also know that I deserve everything that's coming my way." He moved backwards just then, his hand slipping from the glass.

"Don't you think that just because of _that_ , you truly don't?" she suddenly asked. "You're acting like you actually _want_ this punishment."

"Because I should get it. Barry _should_ punish me however he pleases."

"No," she denied fiercely, not giving up and shaking her head. "No, that's not true." And then, before Cisco managed to stop her, she got to the wall panel and pressed the right button so the door to Harrison's cell would open. "Please tell me you got your speed," she then asked him.

The door slid open, but he still remained inside, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry. Last night… it kind of drained me."

Still, Caitlin wasn't going to give up so easily. She turned to Cisco and saw the emotions running across his face clearly. He was in distress, torn between letting them go and locking Thawne back up.

"I'm taking him out of here," Caitlin informed her friend. "If you want to stop us, you gotta have to use force because I'm not giving up," her voice sounded determined and fierce. In fact, she was even ready to fight Cisco, her best friend, the only one who still seemed to be standing by her side. She was willing to jeopardize even this friendship in order to save the man she loved. The problem was that the latter still didn't seem to move. "Harrison!" she called out to him. "Come on!" Yet, that didn't help either. He was standing still.

It wasn't until Cisco actually moved out of the way, pointing to the exit, that her eyes opened widely and Wells finally moved forward.

"Go," Cisco encouraged them. "Just… go," he sighed and Snow, still in shock, turned back to Harrison who was now by her side, nodding at the younger man. Then he looked her in the eye and she smiled to him, hope entering her heart as she embraced what just happened. Cisco was willing to let him go, to let them go so they could be together. And it meant _everything_ to her.

"Cisco…" she started.

"Just… don't," he dismissed whatever she was going to say. "I _know_. Now, go before Barry gets back. I won't be able to help then."

Caitlin threw herself at her friend, hugging him briefly but tightly and then she grasped Harrison's hand and they ran from the pipeline straight to the elevator and then to the parking garage.

"Damn it, I have to recharge," Harrison informed. "Otherwise we'll never be able to leave the city in time."

She nodded, still not able to believe her own luck, the generosity of her friend.

"Where are we going to go?" she asked.

"Away from here," Harrison said as they reached one of the Labs' vans and got inside. "It doesn't matter as long as we're together."

She faced him just then as he started the car and she cupped his face, kissing him hard on the lips, still not able to believe that they were being given this chance.

One thing she knew for sure – they couldn't possibly waste it.

* * *

 _Epilogue_

Caitlin screamed his name, calling him Harry for short because Harrison seemed too long as for being in throes of passion. Then again, roses always smelt the same no matter what the name, right? And he would always remain one man to her despite all the names he'd taken over the years going from Eobard Thawne to Reverse Flash and finally to dr. Harrison Wells. None of this mattered as she was simply happy that he was, indeed, a different man now. Or maybe he simply was the man she'd always known. The man he was _with_ her.

She was breathing heavily, her chest raising and falling rapidly as she just came down from her orgasm, feeling him speeding up until he froze and a loud, powerful groan was released from his throat when he reached his peak as well, emptying himself inside of her before falling into her body, into her arms, spent.

And it was just another lazy and hot morning in Coast City as they'd gotten a house with the ocean view. And life was good.

In fact, it was more than just good.

They'd managed to escape Central City and Caitlin truly thought they would simply stop at hiding. Then Harrison did something that completely threw her off track and brought tears to her eyes again. Only this time those were tears of happiness since he successfully planted enough evidence to exonerate Henry Allen without confessing to the murder of Nora Allen himself.

Right now, they were enjoying their lives, living together, being together, actually planning their future together and establishing their own little science lab as it was their common passion. Caitlin still remembered how Harrison had sent Barry a letter after planting that evidence. It simply said: _This is the least I can do. I know you can never forgive and I don't expect you to, but_ I am _truly sorry. HW._

Harrison lay down next to her on the bed, breathing heavily, coming down from his climax and yet, he immediately put an arm around her so she could snuggle up to his chest. Barry had never written back, she thought when settling her head over Wells's heart, but she liked to believe that he somehow let it all go. He hadn't tried to find them so far, she knew that much from Cisco who was calling her quite regularly, always making sure she was fine. Maybe in the end, Barry either hated them both so much he couldn't even stand the thought of them or maybe he just wanted Cait to be happy. She hoped for the latter.

One thing was clear, though – they were safe now, she thought when pressing a soft kiss to Harrison's chest while looking outside the window at the ocean nearby.

 _The end_

* * *

 **AN:** Full disclosure – I started this story when being excited for its potential but I quickly got lost and discouraged. It was superhard to make a plausible change in Eobard because I didn't want Cait to be with someone so evil. I hope I managed to get myself out of this mess all right…

I've been thinking about another possible multichapter snowells story and kept coming up with nothing. Until today. Today the perfect idea came to my head and soon enough I will start _In Another Life_ , a story of Harry being hit with the dark matter during the particle accelerator explosion and therefore becoming the Flash. There'll be surprising villains and people who never had powers before, will have them now. Also, Barry won't have a tragic story… nor powers:D It's all gonna be full on AU, more so than _Way Home_ ever was and I really believe it will be awesome!


End file.
